A story of compassion, dedication and an unbreakable mother and daughter bond
(St. Petersburg, Fla.) February 3, 2010 – It all began with a little forgetfulness. There was something wrong, something different – she just knew it. She couldn’t put her finger on it quite yet, but something wasn’t right. Lori Hughes of Redington Beach has a special bond with her mother, Elaine Kincaid. Even if it’s just meeting at Wal-Mart or Target for a browse, Hughes is an only child and most likely her mother’s best friend so any gathering is a special gathering.
Kincaid was the primary caretaker of her aging father in Tennessee and was a veteran registered nurse for nearly 40 years. Hughes, a social worker for the school district in Hillsborough County, lived in Florida and was engaged to be married to the man she waited her whole life to meet. Everything was going well.
Kincaid was flying in for a visit one year to see her daughter but something very strange happened. “I saw her coming down the escalator at the airport so I knew she’d be here in a few minutes. One hour and 20 minutes had passed and I had no idea where she could be,” said Hughes.
“I finally see her and run to her. ‘Where have you been?’ I asked her. She had gotten lost she said, even when she had already found her way to the baggage claim. I knew something was very wrong then,” she said. It was the straw on the camel’s back that made Hughes make some very big decisions. Her grandfather had recently passed away and Kincaid was alone with no one to care for but no one to care for her. Hughes moved her mother to Kenneth City and began spending even more time with her, investigating her mother as they engaged in simple activities like watching TV.
“We would watch a 30-minute sitcom together and I would ask her, ‘Mom, what was that about?’” said Hughes, “She would say, ‘I know I should remember, but I don’t.’ She wouldn’t remember what she had for breakfast or what she wore the day before. I took her to her local doctor to see if it was dementia,” she said. Kincaid seemed too young for dementia but they proceeded with a MRI.
What they found: a brain tumor.
The mother-daughter pair was quickly referred to the ER where they met St. Petersburg neurosurgeon, David McKalip, M.D. “He told us we needed to act soon. The tumor got so large and it was located in the frontal lobe, pushing on the sagittal plane of the brain,” she said. The pressure on the front of the brain affected Kincaid’s memory.
“The tumor was causing pressure to build up in the brain. The first step was to control the pressure with steroids and then to begin preparing her for surgery,” said Dr. McKalip.
“In three weeks, we were scheduled for brain surgery,” said Hughes.
After realizing the tumor was causing dangerous effects, it was removed and discovered to be a meningioma (benign or noncancerous tumor).
“It was a tremendous blessing for us,” said Hughes, “Dr. McKalip was frank with us. He said she could come out of surgery and be paraplegic, quadriplegic or even die. The decision was a ‘no-brainer’ for my mom. She could have died from the tumor or taken the risk with surgery. It was difficult for me because I faced the loss of my mother. You really don’t know. You know you have to do something. You hope for the best.”
Mother and daughter discussed their options. Kincaid would continue to deteriorate from the tumor growth without the surgery. Hughes was engaged to be married. Could she take care of her mother while beginning a new life with someone? Was it fair to him? Hughes feared the commitment she made with her fiancé had changed now. Would he still want to be married to someone who may have to care for a parent in a wheelchair or worse?
“At the end of Dr. McKalip reading off the risk of complications he said, ‘I will tell you that I have been very fortunate in my practice and have never been faced with these outcomes. I anticipate the same good results with your mom,’” said Hughes. His confidence in his parting words gave comfort to the strained daughter. “I had confidence in him and I knew I landed into a good choice, a good doctor,” said Hughes.
So what happened with the wedding? What happened with Mother Kincaid?
Lori Hughes has been happily married to Bryan, a local physical therapist, for four years this April. He told her he would have been there no matter what. “Bryan was in his 40s and I was almost 40, it was our first marriage. We were sure about what we were doing. When you care about someone you think, ‘Would it be fair to hold a person to a commitment if I have to care for someone and if it didn’t come out the way it did. We were fortunate,’” said Hughes.
After some time in recovery, Kincaid is now independent, functioning in society as any retired 65 year-old would. She is happy, healthy and still meeting her daughter for a quick browse at Wal-Mart or Target. When it comes to quality time with her daughter – even at Wal-Mart, “she treats it like Bern’s Steakhouse!” said Hughes.
After a one-year routine follow-up, Kincaid showed no trace of a tumor re-growth, two-years later – nothing. So far so good. “We encouraged Elaine to stimulate her memory with activities she may like such as crossword puzzles or Sudoku,” said Dr. McKalip. Kincaid is an avid reader and has been her whole adult life – and everything seems to be back to normal.
Hughes drives nearly an hour to see her mother regularly. She stays with her, spends the night sometimes. Mom at times cooks her only daughter dinner or even breakfast on her way to work.
“I had never even heard of a meningioma before. How do you make decisions on something you know nothing about? You just make them. You have to. Life grabbed me by the collar and dragged me. I didn’t feel in control and that’s a hard place to be. Fortunately, I made a lot of right decisions with Dr. McKalip,” said Hughes.
The love story
“I waited a long time for him. He is perfect for me. I wouldn’t trade him for anything,” said Hughes about her devoted beau that stood by her side the entire time. “I would have done the exact same thing. Marriage is a commitment, not a conditional commitment to be with you only if things are great – commitment is to go through the difficult times too,” she said.
Why does she go the extra mile?
“Mothers do it for their children all the time,” said Hughes. And is Hughes hoping for a daughter of her own one day? “If it’s in our plans,” she said. Until then, she has a “blind, fat, diabetic, hypothyroid lab” that is a handful but she says he is worth every bit of it.
About Dr. McKalip: David McKalip, M.D. is a Board-Certified Neurological Surgeon of the brain and spine. He still serves as the immediate past-president of the Florida Neurosurgical Society and Founder of the Pinellas Medical Foundation. His practice is located at 1201 5thAvenue North, Suite 210 in St. Petersburg, FL. For more information about Dr. McKalip, contact him at (727) 822-3500 or visit www.McKalip.md
